But on further reflection that seemed to be wrong.
2014 was a big year for me. I can honestly say, without exaggeration, that it contained some of the best moments of my life and some of the worst.
First of all I turned 50 this year. I'm not sure why this seemed like an important marker for me but it was. When I was younger I thought that I'd have it all figured out by the time I was 50. That turned out to be wrong. I have figured out some stuff but I'm not even close to having it 'all' sorted. However, it turns out I'm okay with that.
Ed and I went on the trip of lifetime.
My work is going well. I got a new boss who's fabulous. My kids are doing well and I'm very proud of them. Despite all odds my mom is holding her own with her health and has a positive outlook. Over the past year I managed to get back in shape and go down 3 sizes.
I realized the dream of starting Steele under saddle. I had so much fun riding him. It was not always perfect but we were always moving forward.
When I would look at him in the field I could not believe my good fortune to have such a wonderful creature in my life. I loved him body and soul. Even when I was ready to kill him. And I believe that he loved me. I will never forget that he was able to overcome the severe pain of a broken bone and get up out of that swamp. Because I asked him too.
My mother, who is a big fan of my blog, was always after me to put my stories into a book. I found out the Blurb has software that allows you to download your posts and put into a book. So I spent a few weeks doing that as a Christmas present for her- revising the layout, deleting some posts, editing typing errors. This was, of course, all before everything went so horribly wrong. I also go a digital copy of it. I thought that doing this as an annual year book would be fun. (http://blur.by/1za2YE2). It's a good idea for you bloggers out there to keep a record.
The books arrived Dec 23 (one for me and one for mom). I had to give her a heads up before she opened it. She decided to wait to unwrap it. I have not looked at mine yet.
People wonder how I'm doing. The truth is that I'm dealing. I still have flashbacks to that horrible day but right now I suppress them. I know that one day I will have to take those memories out and deal with them but not right now.
I likely will have another horse at some point. I just don't know when that will be. I have found that when you lose a person or animal that you care about you don't 'get over it'. It becomes absorbed into your being. The loss of this magnificent horse is settling into my bones.
I am a different person for having Steele.
And I am a different person for having lost him.
Who that person will turn out to be remains to be seen. 2015 will help to reveal that.